Beyond "New Year, New You": A Trauma-Informed Guide to Gentle Resolutions

A new year can bring a powerful, sometimes overwhelming, script: the New Year’s Resolution. It’s a time steeped in the language of radical self-overhaul—“New Year, New You!”—at times, with pejorative narratives of our bodies, habits, and productivity. For anyone, this pressure can be daunting. For individuals with a history of trauma, this paradigm can feel familiar: a cycle of perceived deficiency, rigid control, self-punishment, and potential shame when the "willpower" inevitably changes during the process.

What if this year, we rewrote the script? What if our resolutions weren’t about judgements on our past selves, but about offering self compassion to our present one?

Welcome to the path of trauma-informed resolutions. This isn’t about lowering the bar, but about building a sturdier, kinder foundation from which to grow.

Why Traditional Resolutions Can Be Re-Traumatizing

Trauma, at its core, disrupts our sense of safety, agency, and connection. Traditional resolutions often unintentionally mimic these dynamics:

• Coercion & Control: "I must go to the gym 7 days a week." Trauma often involves a loss of autonomy. Mandates, even self-imposed, can echo that loss.

• Perfectionism & Punishment: The "all-or-nothing" mindset—missing one day means you've "failed." This mirrors the black-and-white thinking and self-criticism common in trauma responses.

• Disregard for the Nervous System: Demanding intense new habits without acknowledging your body's current state (are you in fight, flight, freeze, or fawn?) can lead to dysregulation and burnout.

• Focus on the "Outcome," Not the "Why": Losing 20 pounds is an outcome. But what is the deeper need? Is it safety in your body? Comfort? Energy? Focusing solely on the external metric ignores the internal wound or need seeking care.

Principles of a Trauma-Informed Approach

This framework is built on safety, choice, collaboration, and empowerment. Here’s how to apply it:

1. Shift from "What's Wrong with Me?" to "What Do I Need?"

Instead of starting with a critique, begin with a compassionate inquiry. Light a candle, grab a journal, and ask:

• "What did my nervous system crave most this past year? Was it more safety, more rest, more playful connection?"

• "What small thing made me feel grounded or joyful? How can I have more of that?"

• "What is one way I can care for myself when I feel overwhelmed?"

Example: Instead of "Stop eating junk food," try "Nourish my body in a way that makes me feel energized and cared for." This opens the door to gentle nutrition, not restrictive dieting.

2. Prioritize Regulation Over Rigidity

Your primary resolution can be to become a better friend to your nervous system.

• Resolution Idea: "I will learn to identify my early signs of overwhelm and practice one grounding technique (like 5-4-3-2-1 or deep belly breathing) when I notice them."

• This builds internal safety, the prerequisite for any other change.

3. Embrace "And" & "Sometimes"

Trauma lives in extremes. Healing thrives in nuance.

• Instead of: "I will meditate for 20 minutes every single morning."

• Try: "I will practice mindfulness, and that may look like a 10-minute meditation some days, a mindful walk others, or simply pausing for three breaths before a meeting. All of it counts."

• The words "and" and "sometimes" build flexibility and prevent the shame spiral of a "broken streak."

4. Make Choices Visible & Celebrated

A core trauma-informed principle is choice and autonomy. Frame your resolutions as choices you get to make, not punishments you have to endure.

• Instead of: "I have to cut out sugar."

• Reframe: "Today, I choose to eat fruits that satisfy my sweet tooth because I love the stable energy it gives me."

• Celebrate the act of choosing! It reaffirms your agency.

5. Connect to Your Values, Not Just Metrics

Anchor your intentions to a core value, not a number.

• Value: Connection

• Possible Resolutions: Text one friend a week just to check in. Say "yes" to one social invitation a month that feels safe. Practice being fully present during a conversation.

• Value: Safety in My Body

• Possible Resolutions: Take a gentle yoga class. Wear clothes that feel physically comfortable. Learn about polyvagal theory.

Sample Trauma-Informed Resolutions for Inspiration

• For Boundaries: "I will practice noticing when I feel drained and respectfully say 'no' or 'I need to think about that' at least once a month."

• For Joy: "I will seek out one small moment of awe or beauty each week—a sunset, a piece of music, the texture of moss—and truly savor it."

• For Self-Talk: "When I hear my inner critic get loud, I will practice speaking to myself like I would to my best friend in the same situation."

• For Movement: "I will move my body in ways that feel joyful and liberating, not punishing. This could be dancing in my kitchen, stretching, or a walk in nature."

• For Rest: "I will honor my need for rest without labeling it as laziness. I will schedule one 'do nothing' hour each weekend."

This year, give yourself permission to:

• Start small. A micro-resolution is a victory.

• Adjust and pivot. Your needs in March may differ from January. That’s wisdom, not failure.

• Celebrate every single step. Did you notice a need? Choose kindness? That’s the real work. Celebrate it.

• Have no traditional resolutions at all. Perhaps your only intention is: "I will focus on being present and compassionate with myself, exactly as I am today."

Healing is not a linear journey of achievement. It is a gentle, spiraling path of returning—returning to safety, to self-trust, to the wisdom of your own body and heart.

This New Year, may your resolution be simply this: to turn toward yourself with curiosity, not criticism. To build a home within yourself that is so safe, that growth becomes a natural, gentle unfolding.

Cheers to a softer, stronger, more compassionate year ahead. You are not a problem to be solved. You are a person, deserving of care, in the process of becoming.

Written by: Mackenzie Kerber, MA, LPCC